Parenting and Relationship Changes
When we decided to start trying for children, I knew things would change regarding relationships with friends and family. In my mind, I was hoping that the connections would stay the same or get stronger and people within our circle would love and care for our kids like their own. We found out that, yes, they do, and relationships become stronger with some people and then become less with others. Most of our friends do not have children or do not want them, which can sometimes make it challenging. Luckily, the friends that are close to us have become family, and they do care for our kids like family. My kids have several ‘Aunts and Uncles’ that are not related to us but care for our kids like they are family.
To get together with friends and keep those relationships going, we do have to have people in our circle that are willing to work with our schedule and realize that our kids do go to bed early and must have a nap every day. This means we have to schedule some type of get-together around those times. If we do not get them their naps or to bed at their semi-regular time, the kids get overly tired, and no one has fun.
So, since having kids, our friends have changed, and some people we do not see very much anymore. But though those people may not be in our lives as much, we have developed relationships with new people, other parents to be exact. I think I have talked about this in another blog, but we have developed friendships with some parents at my kid’s daycare. We may not always get together, but because of our mutual understanding of kids’ schedules and the fact that our kiddos get along so well, we have created new relationships. I am so grateful for these new relationships too. We can talk about the difficulties, techniques, and how wonderful it is to have children. I had always heard that it becomes much easier to find parent friends once your kid gets into school, but I did not realize how true that was until our children (specifically Carson) got into daycare. The kids Carson has gone to daycare with since he was six months old have become a huge part of Carson’s life, and their parents have become our friends. We end up planning get-togethers to different places and our houses. We have taken trips to the Gilbert House in Salem a few times, and the kids get so worn out, play together and learn a ton while there. We have also done swimming lessons together at the YMCA and are also thinking about doing some soccer soon. We have gone to playgrounds and just gotten together whenever we can. As I said, sometimes it is difficult, and we have had to reschedule so many times due to sicknesses, forgetfulness, or anything else you can think of, but we really try because we know how much it means to our kids. We also know the benefits of having other parents to talk to.
Some of the biggest hurdles I have encountered with keeping relationships are sometimes with my own family. It is not that we do not have relationships with our families. It is just that it is different. Thinking that I wanted my parents’ advice on everything has changed. Their parenting methods were very different than mine, and I am noticing that I don’t seek advice as often because we have very different approaches to parenting. I now have to make sure that I really want my parent’s advice before I seek it. I also realized I cannot talk to my parents about everything because sometimes they like to give me unsolicited advice that I don’t always take easily. It is not necessarily bad, but I also do not want to plainly ignore what they are saying and have them get upset with me. It is a tricky balance that we are constantly learning with one another. I know relationships change with parents as you get older, I just hoped it would be a little less complicated, but I guess that is just life.
Not everyone’s relationships are like mine. Each parent has their own challenges, or maybe, you as a parent will be good at keeping those changes minimal. I know for me relationships have changed since I had kids, and in all honesty, I think I am okay with it. I have been learning to adapt, and of course, my kids will always come first, so I may be saddened by the negative change in one relationship but happy about the positive or new relationship I have gained. It is constantly changing, and as long as you adapt and embrace those changes, the relationships that are still there or need some work will fall into place.