Motherhood and Marriage

April 22, 2024, cassieley

Couple looks down on sleeping newbornMotherhood requires daily selflessness and service. For the first few months, I found it challenging to take care of myself in addition to my baby. Showers and snacks were snuck in where I could fit them between caring for my baby. It was hard, but I do love and cherish these memories. As the months passed and we moved past survival mode, I realized not only had I put my own needs on the back burner, but I had also put my husband there. There is a bit of irony in that a baby is literally a combination of you and your husband, and yet spouses can sometimes feel distant after the baby arrives. It does not have to stay that way, though!

family playing in the park

This will likely depend on the couple, but I do not think my husband and I need extensive time alone as a couple to be connected. Spending time together– with our baby –helps us stay connected. I love our nightly family dinners together and our weekend walks. Even with my daughter with us, these are times we can converse without too many other distractions. Even doing the mundane together, such as grocery shopping or house projects, can be opportunities for quality time together. I think building this family time into your regular schedule is essential!

Still, it is nice to occasionally have some time for just the two of us. Although getting a babysitter may seem like an obvious solution to some, I know many moms will understand that this is not always feasible. My daughter was exclusively breastfed (does not take a bottle) until starting solids, does not go to sleep well without me and does not like to be separated from me for long. This is a season and will not last forever. I am happy to meet her needs, and right now, that means my husband and I do not have as frequent dates. But that makes it all the more special and exciting when we do! If we choose to go out as a couple, I must have someone my daughter is familiar with and whom I fully trust to stay with her. We do not leave for more than a few hours and do not go far. We also do not necessarily have to go on a date to spend alone time together. During naptime, my instinct tends to be to wash the dishes and tidy the counters, but sometimes, a more worthwhile use of my time is to sit and chat with my husband. If alone time is essential to your relationship, there are ways to sneak it in.

Happy young parents kissing while daughter sits between them with a book

While it can sometimes feel like the quantity of your quality time has decreased, you can also show your love in other ways. If you are familiar with the five love languages, you will remember they include physical touch, acts of service, words of affirmation, and gifts. Perhaps you connect with your husband by greeting him at the door with a hug and a kiss when he comes home from work. Or maybe it is the act of packing a lunch for him and including a special note. Perhaps you pick up his favorite candy. It’s the little things!

Ecclesiastes 3:1 says, “To everything, there is a season and a time to every purpose.” Your relationship will likely look a little different in the postpartum season, and that is okay. This does not mean neglecting your marriage; communicate with each other and find what works for you as a couple. A healthy marriage is good for you and a blessing for your baby to grow up in a happy environment.

Disclaimer: The opinions, beliefs and viewpoints expressed by the bloggers on this website are solely their own and do not necessarily reflect the opinions, beliefs and viewpoints of Pollywog or Linn-Benton Community College. We want to share a diversity of parenting perspectives on this platform.