It’s Okay That They’re at Daycare: A Letter to the Working Parent

August 10, 2026, Sam Rounsavell

As parents, we carry guilt about…well, almost everything. It sneaks up on us while we’re filling the car with gas, trying to use the bathroom in peace, or, for me, when my toddler doesn’t look back to say goodbye after spotting his daycare friends.

Exhausted young woman with baby is sitting with coffee in kitchen.

The first two years of motherhood haven’t been easy. At 23, as a single mom nearing my Associate’s in Family Services, I’m building my life while raising an impressionable, vulnerable little person. There are struggles every day.

But one struggle stands out the most: the constant, heavy question: Am I neglecting my son by putting him in daycare?

…for putting my son in a safe, nurturing environment while I’m working to build stability. That doesn’t make much sense when we say it out loud.

(Parent guilt rarely does.)

If you’ve ever questioned your parenting because of the time your child spends in someone else’s care, you’re not alone (and you’re definitely not failing).

Working Hard = Loving Them

Some days, I feel stretched as thin as Flat Stanley while raising my child and rebuilding my life. We’re all parents here, you know, these days:

Mother in business suit holding one child, while playing with two more in the kitchen.

The floor needs to be swept. Bills need to be paid. Oh, and the little person just decided putting rolls of toilet paper in the toilet is fun. Ugh.

Oh, and did I mention you’re trying to get out the door on time?

You finally get out the door, and the self-judgment comes rolling in.

Maybe you spoke harshly because your child refused to brush their teeth. Maybe the baby’s breakfast was grapes and a protein shake, not the Instagram-worthy meal you saw on Instagram. Guilt lingers. Does my child know I love them? Am I enough?

And alongside all this, there’s the guilt of sending your child to others for the day.

Let me say this clearly: Choosing daycare is not choosing something over your child. It is choosing what’s best for them at this time in your lives.

We aren’t choosing between daycare and lounging at home. We’re choosing between daycare and not being able to pay rent. Between daycare and not cooling (or heating) our homes. Between daycare and losing access to opportunities.

Here’s The Facts:

Nursery children playing with teacher in the classroom

Studies show kids develop across multiple settings (home, childcare, community), and high-quality childcare can support healthy development when paired with engaged parenting.

Children thrive with consistent, responsive adults (see how I didn’t say exclusively parents) in their lives.

High-quality childcare environments offer things that are genuinely good for kids:
● Socialization and peer interaction
● Cognitive stimulation and early learning
● Emotional development through responsive caregivers
● Predictable routines that help kids feel secure

These environments can complement (not compete with) the nurturing kids receive at home from parents or guardians.

I’ve seen this in my own child. He’s learning how to be around other kids, explore, and adapt. He’s gaining things I couldn’t fully give him on my own because of how intense my schedule is.

But that doesn’t replace me.

There’s No One Like Mom or Dad

Even if your child spends eight hours a day in daycare, you are still the anchor of their world. You’re the one they cry for when they’re hurt.

You’re the one they want when they’re sick at 2 am.

You’re the one shaping their sense of safety, love, and belonging.

Even on mornings when my son doesn’t look back, he still runs to me at pickup. That’s attachment. That’s love.

Quality Over Quantity

It has been studied that parental connection matters more than hours logged. Small, consistent moments matter: Young mother with her little son in the car. A woman driving and baby boy sitting in a car seat.

A 5-minute cuddle in bed before starting the day
A “big reaction” when seeing them for daily pickup
20 minutes of reading a day, even if it’s mostly looking at the pictures
A weekend tradition, no matter how simple: church, family breakfast, a movie night
One consistent family routine: dinner, a walk, bathtime, books, and bed

For us, I pick my son up from daycare, and we have our rhythm. I talk to him in the car about everything: what I did that day, what he might’ve done, what big trucks we see out the windows…and he babbles back like we’re having a real conversation.

Most days, I worry I haven’t done enough.

But then he and I are out on our evening walk, looking for snails and worms; even in the silence of him searching through the grass, I can feel it- the connection is still there.

In The End

So, to the parents who struggle with daycare guilt too: Daycare does not replace your importance as a parent.

Two adult women and a baby sharing a welcoming moment at a childcare center, reflecting trust, care and family support, Latina women and baby 1 to 2 years

You’re raising your child by building the stable foundation that your child(ren) will stand on for the rest of their life. Every shift worked, every degree pursued, and every small moment of connection at the end of the day is an act of love. Choosing a support such as daycare is something to be proud of, not to feel guilty about. Your child sees your sacrifice.

And when they smile when you arrive for pickup, remember: you are their world.

P.S. If you’re doing your best, you’re doing enough.

Lithia

Healthy Relationships

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