Potty Training, Toy Piles, and the Practice of Patience

My son is almost three, and lately, patience seems to be the theme of our lives.

We’re potty training, learning not to dump every toy we own onto the floor at once, practicing cleaning up before moving on to something new, and working on the very difficult toddler skill of waiting. At the same time, I’m realizing that I’m practicing many of those same things right alongside him.

Potty training has actually been going better than I expected. He was already using the potty to poop, so our biggest next step was becoming more consistent with peeing on the potty. I knew he was probably ready when he started telling me that he was peeing in his diaper. He was becoming aware of what his body was doing; I just needed to help him make the next connection.

Traveling and moving put our progress on pause for a little while, but once we started again, I was surprised by how quickly he picked it up.

Of course, there have been plenty of moments that make potty training with an almost-three-year-old exactly what you would imagine.

For a while, pooping involved finding a private location under a table or inside a cupboard. We’ve traveled with a little potty in the car. Then there was the excitement of him successfully asking to use the potty for the first time while we were out running errands.

And apparently potty training doesn’t stop at the trailhead, either. During a hike, he asked to go potty in the woods.

I couldn’t help but laugh. It’s messy and inconvenient sometimes, but these are also the stories I know I’ll remember.

The hardest part hasn’t necessarily been the accidents. Sometimes it’s simply remembering.

Life happens. Something unexpected comes up, we’re trying to get out the door, or I’m juggling several things at once and realize I forgot to remind him. Other times, I ask if he needs to go and receive a very confident “No!”

When an accident happens, I try not to make it something shameful. I remind him that he’s doing his best and tell him, “Next time, remember to use the potty and ask for help.”

The same lesson has been showing up in other parts of our home.

My son, like many toddlers, has discovered the incredible joy of taking toys out of containers—all of them.

Why play with a few toys when you can dump an entire collection onto the floor?

So we’ve been practicing taking out just a few things at a time and putting them back when we’re finished. When I ask him to help clean up, he sometimes suddenly gets very distracted. Other times, running around the room and being silly apparently becomes extremely important.

But then he’ll come back and put away a couple of toys. And I’ve learned to appreciate those couple of toys.

He’s learning.

That’s something I’ve had to remind myself frequently during this stage. When I slow down and watch him, I can see just how curious he is. He’ll study how an object works, examine its mechanics, and explore it in ways I might not have thought about. Things that can look like stalling, mess-making, or toddler chaos from an adult perspective are sometimes a little person trying to understand his world.

That doesn’t mean there aren’t boundaries. In fact, that’s been one of my biggest lessons.

I’ve learned I can discipline my child even when it feels uncomfortable. Setting a boundary doesn’t make me the bad guy. Sometimes I have to be firm because, if I’m not, I could very easily find myself being walked all over by an almost-three-year-old.

I’m also learning to stop worrying so much about whether someone else might be judging my parenting when I hold that boundary.

One thing that helps us is giving choices. He may not get to decide everything, but he can have some control within the boundary I’ve set. At this age, those little choices can make a big difference.

Underneath the potty reminders, toy cleanup, waiting for food, getting dressed, leaving somewhere fun, and all the other tiny lessons of toddlerhood, I’m trying to teach something much bigger: responsibility, patience, independence, confidence, emotional regulation, and, most importantly, kindness.

But he’s teaching me, too.

Some days I’m simply tired. Managing everything on my own can be exhausting, and when he’s impatient and I’m already running on empty, I can feel myself becoming impatient right along with him. Those are the moments when I remember that patience isn’t something I can expect him to magically know. It’s something we’re both practicing.

My own childhood gives me perspective, too. My mom raised seven children. I have one, and I’m not planning to have more. That allows me to think intentionally about how I want to experience these years and how present I want to be for them.

Because even the difficult stages don’t last forever.

There will eventually be a day when I don’t have to keep a travel potty in the car. There will be a day when I don’t have to remind him every few minutes to try the potty. Eventually, he’ll clean up without needing quite so many reminders. He’ll learn how to wait. He’ll become more independent.

And one day, he’ll be fully potty trained. As strange as it sounds while you’re standing beside another wet pair of toddler pants, I think there may even come a day when I’ll miss changing those little diapers.

That’s the strange thing about parenting: while we’re busy teaching our children how to grow up, we’re also learning how to let each version of them go.

So, for now, we’ll keep practicing.

One trip to the potty, a couple of toys put back in the bin, and one patient moment at a time.