We have an emergency

“Mom Calls the Police- On Herself.” The article title was 100% clickbait, so I absolutely clicked on the link to read more. This mother had two young kids requiring medical care around the clock, so she was sleeping 2 hours a night and, in her desperate, sleep-deprived state, called the police because she needed a time out. Her baby had just crawled into a houseplant and eaten some of the soil while she was trying to make dinner. We all know what “make dinner” means. It’s boiling water while baking something in the oven, as you’re grilling something in a pan, as your kids are asking for snacks every 2.3 seconds, people are fighting, and you’re checking every five seconds on the Find My Phone app to see if your husband is even on his way home yet. So, this woman picks up her baby with dirt all over his face and calls the police for help. For her. She needed a break. She needed someone to know she was not okay, and she needed to know that someone else was out there, that she wasn’t alone. Girlfriend needed a time out, and this can feel like a true mental, emotional, and physical emergency.

What do you do when you need a time-out?

Now, I don’t just mean, how do you do self-care?  I’m not talking about scheduling a bubble bath. This is way past that. I mean, when you’re panicked, hopeless, so tired you can’t see straight, and there is no end in sight, what do you do?  If you’re lucky enough to have a friend or family member that you can call to come over while you nap or scream, then great. What about the rest of us?

I found out after a 4-day inpatient stay that I had been in a 4-month mixed mania episode (I have bipolar II). And I didn’t even see the signs because I was so busy taking care of everyone else. It took a time-out for me to see just how bad things had gotten and how much help I needed.

I want to tell you that it’s okay to ask for a time-out. If you feel totally overwhelmed, take a time out. Put your kids in a safe place for 5 minutes, then go pray, meditate, breathe deeply, and then reach out to anyone.

My emergency call came 3 weeks ago when I drove myself to the hospital and said I couldn’t slow down, couldn’t sleep, and I needed help because I wasn’t sure what I was going to do next.

We have to ask for help. And if there’s no one you know, trust, or want to bother, then find your metaphorical 911. And if they can’t help you, call the real 911.

Maybe, for some of you, this desperate, “I’m going to lose my mind any second” stage ended when your child wasn’t a newborn anymore, but dangit if we don’t all feel a little too scared, too anxious, too desperate sometimes even now that our kids are 3, 5, or 13.

And what if there’s a lie that we’re all believing that everyone else is managing their kids and schedules, and schools, and appointments, and work, and housework, and friendships, and relationships, and dinner every day, and every single night. What if no one is managing all of these things flawlessly like they seem to be?

I have been crumbling. Some of us are broken down, falling apart, and begging for a break inwardly until we have no one to turn to. So we reach out and beg for someone, anyone, to let you know you’re not alone and that tomorrow is another chance.

I talk a lot about mental health for moms, but more and more I read of mom breakdowns or see moms in crises, and it’s confirmation that many of us are struggling to the depths of our souls as mothers, and we just don’t know what to do. It’s more common than any of us know. So, if this helps one person realize they aren’t the only imperfect, dysregulated, desperate mom who is drowning in laundry and self-disappointment, that’s a success.

Resources:

• 988 – The Right Support, Right Now. Free, Confidential Support 24/7 by Phone, Text, or Chat. Sometimes feelings of stress, anxiety, anger, sadness, or despair become overwhelming. We’re here to listen and help you get through this moment. If you are struggling and need support, contact us anytime. You can also call if you’re concerned about a loved one who may be experiencing a mental health crisis. Call or text 988, or chat online at www.988lifeline.org/chat
• Postpartum Support International Promoting awareness, prevention, and treatment of pregnancy and postpartum mental health issues in pregnant and postpartum women and families. They offer online support groups, weekly phone chats, a peer mentor program, and online forums. Call the HelpLine: 1-800-944-4773 Text in English: 800-944-4773 Text en Español: 971-203-7773
• Pregnant or just had a baby? The National Maternal Mental Health Hotline is free, confidential, and here to help, 24/7. Call or text 1-833-TLC-MAMA (1-833-852-6262) for 24/7 free confidential support.
• Reach Out Oregon provides a community of support for families raising a child who experiences emotional, behavioral, and mental health challenges. Call or Text the Warmline Monday – Friday 12-7pm (except holidays). Leave a message at any time. 1-833-732-2467. For monthly support group information in Lincoln County, contact Signe Miller at signem@ofsn.net or 541-505-2511.
• WellMama Linn-Benton Reproductive Mental Health and Emotional Support Services. They provide free phone and email support, referrals to local resources, and counseling to pregnant and postpartum mothers and their families. Linn & Benton County | 541-231-4343
• Office on Women’s Health: Talking Postpartum Depression
• Pollywog Parent Newsletter: Tips and Resources for Child Abuse Prevention
• Pollywog Parent Newsletter: PMAD & Parenting Stress