Keeping the Holiday Season Magical and Low Stress

A famous television mom once said, “I’m quitting Christmas.” She sat on the couch in her underwear and a dirty shirt, drinking a beer every night post-Thanksgiving. Her neighbors would ask why her lawn gnomes didn’t have Christmas scarves, why her kids were the ones putting up the tree, and why she hadn’t made any of her famous Christmas cookies for the school PTA. She was done with all the stress and expectation until her husband said, “After my mom died, we never really celebrated Christmas as a family until…well …until I married you. And you did Christmas so big and so well,” (The Middle/ A Christmas Gift).

It’s the pressure of making Christmas memorable year after year while meeting expectations for kids and adults, while having everything look perfect enough to post on social media, coupled with events at work, with family, with preschool or daycare, and it’s all just enough to make a person want to quit. Quit Christmas. The New York Post online did an article about why moms are quitting Christmas, and the answer might surprise you- it’s because of their mental health. Moms cannot be everything to everyone on a regular day, so in a season where there are 100 times more things, more needs, more events, we struggle to be anything to just one person.

“The expectations of a ‘perfect Christmas’ feel unattainable and, importantly, unnecessary. What I’m seeing clinically is a shift toward values-based decision making with mothers asking, ‘What actually matters to my family?’ and letting go of traditions that only create stress,” she added.

So, it’s time to prioritize, and here are some practical ways to make the holiday season magical, without losing sight of what your kids and your family really need.

1. Decide what your priority is from December 1 to January 1. Time together, making new memories, keeping traditions going, helping people in need, staying home as much as possible- maybe ONE of these is your family’s priority for the holidays
2. Decide how many nights a week you want to spend together with your partner, with your friends, just as a family.
3. Have everyone in your family (even the littles) say one thing they want to do from December 1 to January 2. Make a list that mom and dad will pick and choose from. Make sure to write each person’s ideas in a different color so everyone gets their way at least once.
4. Make a list of 1-3 Christmas movies or shows each family member wants to watch, and schedule time to watch them together. 
5. Pull out those calendars!!!!!  You may even need to print one out since it’s a hectic, particularly busy (our family uses a paper calendar to look at when at home, and then we use Apple Calendar and share events when we’re on the go).
   • Write down (if on paper, in pencil) dates and times all of the things you HAVE to do (school, work, doctor’s appointments, day and time for grocery shopping and errands, bill pay, and budget planning).
   • Write down (if on paper, write in pencil) things you SHOULD do (parties, making a list of gifts to get, gift shopping, family get-togethers, exercise, car maintenance, cleaning, etc.)
   • Schedule (maybe in pencil) family nights, date nights, work parties, family parties, and special Christmas events.
   • Schedule 30 minutes for yourself. Have your partner do the same. Shower, read, walk, have coffee with a friend, sit down outside, and have coffee. Try to do this without screens.
   • Based on your family’s priority, schedule the rest of your Holiday “stuff.”
     1. Movie nights
     2. Free Activities are plentiful this time of year. I found things like parades (Corvallis and Philomath are two city parades I know of), Storytime at the library with special books, Christmas Storybook Land, Pictures with Santa at Common Fields on December 13, C3 Programs through the city of Corvallis, and Touring Christmas Tree Farms. OR check out Pollywog’s Family Holiday Event Guide.
     3. Activities you might pay for, like overnight trips to Hoodoo or Leavenworth, Glow Events in Eugene and Salem, and the Christmas Market in Silverton’s Oregon Gardens

6. Step back and see if what you see on your schedule is too much.
   • Can your partner help with any of the planning, shopping, gift wrapping, transporting kids to events, and sports?
   • Do you have time every single day scheduled for you and your child to play uninterrupted and connected?
   • Is this schedule created out of guilt, or does it sound fun for you, too?
   • Does just looking at your calendar make your heart race and make you nervous?

We want to give our kids a fun holiday break, but we also want to enjoy THEM. As moms, we do shoulder a lot of the responsibility, but we also feel a lot of guilt. If your priority is spending time as a family this holiday season, just focus on that. Do one fun activity on the weekend, and maybe don’t even leave the house to do it! Turn off the TV and give up social media for the month.

My heart in all of these things is to help you make things simpler and easier, not because you’ve made it complicated, but because what we want and what our kids ultimately want is each other.

Last year, we overspent on gifts, did something for Christmas almost every night of December, and on January 1st, I realized I had barely played with my kids since November. Please don’t make the mistake I did. Our kids are only little once. They’re only three once, but I’m only 39 once, and this is my life too.

If you are concerned about your Christmas this year, Pollywog has published a 2025 Holiday Resource Guide to help your family find what you need this season. Inside, you’ll find information about places offering food, holiday meals, gifts, warm clothes,
and other support.